Sunday Citar

A bit of beauty brought to you by Fresh Mummy and her Sunday Citar.

The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world's problems. ~ Mohandas K. Gandhi

I stumbled across this while flicking through my book of quotes. I wasn't searching for one like this, and I don't remember where I found it originally but just now it struck a chord.

I'm sure originally I liked it for the fact of what it says, that we could solve most of the world's problems if we just put that extra effort in. Today it struck a less world-wide chord with me and more of a personal one.

What I do, and what I am capable of doing are two very different things, and sadly I usually don't do what I'm capable of.

How much have I let my abilities, words, actions and time go to waste?

There is no one else to blame, and no one else who can change it. Just I.

image

I'm a goose

Just spent the last 2 hours being called a goose and a selection of other names, letting me know what a clown I've been for not writing my application letters.

And I am a GOOSE! Yup, I totally agreed.

I just couldn't do it! I tried and I tried, continuously!!!

So many scrunched up whiny pathetic paragraphs!

I think you can blame me for at least one dead tree. And it wasn't recycled :S

So in 15mins a WONDERFUL letter has been drafted and I sound amazing :) Yup, me!!

I'm starting to freak a little! Maybe I will get the job. I seem to be the only one who doesn't think I will.

Which is silly, why would I apply if I don't think I'll get it?

So I can continue in life knowing I tried. I think I also have this silly satisfaction in knowing I am right and I'm not that good.

Reading my resume' and this letter does make me wonder if I might think a bit too much lower of myself. But then you're meant to sound amazing in job applications right?

I just want to be that person. The one the letter says I am.

I want to live up to my dreams.

I don't want to be a goose... What does a goose achieve in a day?

image

Bigger than Space!

Make me a captive, Lord,

And then I shall be free;

Force me to render up my sword,

And I shall conqueror be.

I sink in life's alarms

When by myself I stand;

Imprison me within Thine arms,

And strong shall be my hand.

My heart is weak and poor

Until its master find;

It has no spring of action sure,

It varies with the wind.

It cannot freely move,

Till thou hast wrought its chain;

Enslave it with Thy matchless love,

And deathless it shall reign.

My power is faint and low

Till I have learned to serve:

It wants the needed fire to glow,

It wants the breeze to nerve;

It cannot drive the world

Until itself be driven;

Its flag can only be unfurled

When Thou shalt breathe from heaven.

My will is not my own

Till Thou has made it Thine,

If it would reach a monarch's throne

It must its crown resign:

It only stands unbent,

Amid the clashing strife.

When on Thy bosom it has leant,

And found in Thee its life.

~ G. Matheson

I just found my devotion book from my January trip to Kowanyama.

Wow, it was only one month ago and I have managed to forget all I learnt up there. It was like I came back and blanked it all out.

I had insight into God's love for me while I was there. I knew Him.

I've come back and I don't know. I forgot. Maybe even pushed it away.

Do you know what message really stood out in my devotions? Constantly underlined and gone over and over in pen until I've almost cut through the paper, is one word. Kind.

I kept finding it nearly every day in every message.

But God was kind, He made me what I am, and His wonderful kindness was not wasted!

1 Corinthians 15:10

One big hit with the kids was a song that embedded itself firmly in our minds. One line that says so much.

God's Grace is bigger than Space!!

His grace, God's kindness to me. It is bigger than SPACE! And you know what? For a grace so big, I manage to forget it's there, way more often than not. Silly isn't that?

The next line of the song is " And His love for His friends never ends, it goes on and on and on and on and on, and on and on and on and on and on". Yup, that's right, His love, His kindness, His GRACE, it never ends. It will always go on.

God has been kind enough to trust us with this work, that is why we never give up.

2 Cornintians 4:1

I gotta remember to lean on that grace.

Sunday Citar

Advice should be viewed from behind.

~ Swedish Proverb

This is part of Sunday Citar, a bit of inspiration from Fresh Mummy

image

My heads messed up

I can't help myself!

I can't believe how slack I can be!!

I can't get my mind to focus on one thing!!!

I want this job! I do, I really do!! Either as a house parent or the co-ordinator (I've decided they best put someone with more experience in the family coach position, so that takes the pressure off... a little). So I'm applying for two jobs, wanting one just as equally bad as the other.

I want to work for this amazing organisation!

I want to work in Kowanyama...

Yup. I want to work in Kowanyama.

No I don't want to work so far away from all my friends, my unit (I'm seriously in love with this place and have thought up about 600 scenarios where I'd be able to keep it) and op shops.

Don't worry, my family would be in the list but I don't think the extra km's are really making that much more of a distance to the 1000's already there.

I'm not looking forward to never wearing a bikini again, or a singlet, or a halter dress, or anything that doesn't go past my knees! I'm not little miss immodest, but the heat is worse than here in the middle of summer! Winter? oh is that.... hmm... no, I don't know what that is.

I still want to go.

I still want to go even though EVERYONE has all fingers and toes crossed I learn from this process but don't get the job. No one is bothering to keep it a secret either.

Which IS great! Do you know how hard it would be thinking no one cared if I was to move out into the middle of nowhere? I'd probably have finished and mailed the application by now if that were the case.

I love knowing how much everyone wants me here with them.

It also makes every single step of the application the hardest thing on earth for me to do!!! All these things I'll miss if I get it keep going around and around in my head!!!!

I didn't sleep last night because my mind was working over time.

Didn't help there's a boy involved. Yup a boy. A boy who dumped me about 5 (yep FIVE) months ago. And I can't get him outta my head! Pathetic right? I did for awhile and then somehow he came crawling back in.

You know what would make it easier for me? If I could be secure in the knowledge that he didn't want me. No, last nights conversation (thank you Jack Daniels for lossening his tongue) made it very apparent his feelings had never changed. WHY?!!?? And yet on Tuesday he is going to come on over and help me apply for a job he doesn't want me to get.

Do you know why he is putting himself and me through all this stupid torture and hours of angst? Because he's under some impression I'm perfect. Yup. ME. Perfect! I'm nothing close to it. Maybe you could say I'm perfectly imperfect?

So thanks to my perfection (which no one else has yet seen) he has put me up on a pedestal to stay, up and beyond his reach. To be with him seems to be the only imperfect thing I could do, so for this reason alone am I to stay on the pedestal. STUPID BOY!!

But you know what? With all the craziness in my head, those kids still win out!

I'm still going to apply, no matter how hard it is.

And if I don't get a job? I'll be fine :)

I'll be able to stay and help all my friends with finger physiotherapy as they regain feeling into their now uncrossed fingers.

I'll savour every minute of the times I do spend in Kowanyama, content in knowing that they are the moments I've been given to brighten the kids lives.

But right now?

Right now, I want it.

Terrified

Ever put yourself knowingly into a rut, and done nothing about it?

I can feel myself going there and was until last night happy to let it happen. It wasn't going to be a completely uncomfortable rut. But a rut still the same.

Then I gave myself a big talking to. And listed down why I would happily let myself do that.

I'm TERRIFIED!

Totally terrified of rejection. Not getting a job I want. I don't want to be told no sorry you're not good enough.

I'm equally terrified of getting the job.

Such a large change! I'm not qualified, how long till they work out I don't know what I'm doing?

Will I be any good?

Can I move that far away and so so so remote?

Can I handle the dislike that will occur from parts of the community?

Can I leave my friends?

Do you know what though? I might not get the job, so I don't need to be terrified of all those things... yet.

And what happened to living with no regrets? I will regret not applying more than I will feel the hurt of not getting it.

All my excuses are limiting God. I know I can't put Him into a box.

I know He knows what He is doing and if I get the job He has equipped me.

I know if I don't get the job there is something else out there waiting for me.

Fear is such a silly thing to let have a grip on me. How many regrets will it cause?

When will I release the stranglehold it has on my life?

It's my burden to let go of. Only I let it control me, only I can let it go.

Time and patience hey?

First step... fill out the application!!!

image

Paradise?

I like wearing my emerald glasses.

They make the world a better place.

They make my paradise a better place.

Then I had to make my couchsurfers aware of the dangers here.

There are a lot...

Wow, look at that spider!! It's huge!/It's such a cool colour... is it poisonous?... hmm maybe

Are there snakes in here?... yep... are they poisonous?... some are, some aren't, remember they are more scared of you than you are of them (such a feel good line)... doesn't Australia have some of the top poisonous snakes in the world?... Yeah, we do... Are any of them here?... mmmm (do I answer this? Will they actually keep walking if I do?)

Ahhh don't get outta the car/don't get closer to take photo's of that cassowary... they can attack

You can't go swimming at the beach at the end of my street... why?... Crocodiles

You can't go swimming at the beach this time of year unless you're in the nets... why?... poisonous jellyfish... Does it hurt?... yes, it can scar to...That's not too bad... they can kill. Doesn't poisonous mean anything to you?

Ummm... so there's a cyclone warning out... it should hit tomorrow morning...

You know what though? Being aware of the dangers, and being scared of the dangers are two different things.

I love my Paradise

Sunday Citar

A bit of fun brought to you by Fresh Mommy

Never play leap-frog with a unicorn ~

A bit of silly advice given with love.

Gecko's and Unwanted Cards

Valentines Day today. Nothing special of a day for me.

I'm going to spend the day exploring Port Douglas, Mossman Gorge and the beautiful Daintree Rainforest with Mr C from the U.S of A. My fun, adventure seeking backpacker of the day.

Colin arrived yesterday while I was at work. So I directed him to the centre of town and giant free swimming pool for a good dosing of sunburn, and searched him out afterwards.

It was quite amusing watching the excitement my unit full of geckos gave Mr C. To me they are annoying lizards that dumpster dive my bin and poo all over the place. It is nice to not have a backpacker jumping and squealing every time they see one.... wait that was Mr C :)... let's add "in fear" to the end of that sentence.

The day of Love today and I can say I received a rose - from the bank on Friday to their loyal customers.

I also received a card. I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I would rather have gone without.

Had a nice chat with the security guard at work yesterday, as I do. Totally innocent, I can't even tell you his name! If I need to pass information on to one of the other girls he is described as "the old security guard, the one with grey hair".

We had a laugh about my Valentines plans to be tour guide to a stranger, and my lovely rose from the bank. He talked a little about failed internet and dating services. I didn't really want to hear about them, but not being a rude person or having anyone in the shop to go serve, I listened. It was all nice, and in my mind a simple discussion.

After Mr Old Security Guard finished work he dropped in a bright red envelope for me. Aww how sweet, he knew I wasn't getting any... ah no.

I pull out the card... open said card... read said card... business card falls out of said card... security guard has a head of grey hair and is double my age!!!

I'm sorry, I don't know if others see the card as just a nice gesture but no, sorry, I'm not interested in old men! If it was just going to be something sweet I'm positive there are about 1000 other cards to pick out in the aisles overflowing with valentines paraphernalia.

Good thing to come out of it? I now know his name.

Oh The Places You'll Go

On and on you will hike.

And I know you'll hike far

and face up to your problems

whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,

as you already know.

You'll get mixed up

with many strange birds as you go.

So be sure when you step.

Step with care and great tact

and remember that Life's

a Great Balancing Act.

Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.

And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and 3/4 per cent guaranteed.)

The magical ramblings of Dr. Seuss, amazing how he can put things exactly how you need to hear them, and in rhyme at that.

image

Sunday Citar

It is better to enjoy what we have than to always want something else, because that makes no more sense than chasing the wind ~ I can't recall where I found it, maybe the bible... I have it written on my chalk board and nowhere else.

I find I chase the wind a lot.

Then reality will kick in, and in one form or another I see that I am truly blessed and need to take the time out to enjoy it. I have so much! I have things other want, others need.

I have my family, no matter how far away they live. I rent a unit all to myself. I have a car. I see the ocean everyday and hear the waves at night. I am blessed with the greatest friends. How is it I am blind to all I have?

image: Chasing Butterflies by pareeerica

This is part of Sunday Citar created by Fresh Mommy.

Smile

It's amazing isn't it, how words can make you smile.

I smiled a lot yesterday. Smiles that just turned themselves on for a few photo's at the beach, at work with a customer, and listening to the lyrics of a song. But not all of those were real smiles. You know, the tingly ones that seem to come all the way from your toes and warm your heart.

I had an above average number of those yesterday... or maybe I just noticed them for once?...

Those came helping little Mr E who is 2 climb up my staircase, watching the clouds and being amazed by God's grace, getting a phone call from an old couchsurfer and the one that really stuck and is still here this morning. This one came from a message of L.O.V.E and I don't think it'll go away for awhile.

I'm truly grateful for the people God has let wonder across my path and walk this journey of life with. They've shaped and moulded me into a better person. And isn't it funny to realise that I've taken them all for granted. Just expected them to be there for me through thick and thin, and they have, they've not failed me.

And how nice to know it during the thick times, not just the thin :) Friends are what make my world go round and they've never let it stop spinning.

I'm not a "I love you", kiss and huggy person (I seem to always end up with my shoulder in their throat and kind of strangle people) and after the message yesterday I wondered, how do I show my friends I love them? I know actions speak louder than words. Love without action is hollow, but I realise now, it is so important to sometimes just send those words out there into the world. I love you my friend, and you make me smile :)

image

Joy

Last year turned out to be like a whirlwind run through a sideshow alley. The fun house, ghost train, tunnel of love, house of mirrors and dizzying teacups all twisted their way into my life.

I came out the end feeling lost and unsure of who I was. Somehow along the way I'd dropped joy, and really wasn't up for backtracking my way through it all to find out when.

Instead I remembered a time when life had been full of fun, and decided to recapture it from there. So began the adventures of couchsurfing again :)

As the site proclaims, and I like to believe, I'm "creating a better world, one couch at a time".

At the current moment I have a lovely English girl staying on my couch.

Today I took her to see the sights :) This consisted of exploring an old ramshackle cane cutter cottage, driving through flooded creeks, checking out the markets, sloshing through the rainforest and my favourite part for the day- discovering age old treasures embedded in the roots of a tree.

Maybe not treasures for many, but the old bottles we found twisted amongst the roots of a fallen tree are treasures in my eyes.

This year I'm going to make sure I find joy in every day. Whether it be the regular calls from my best friend, meeting a new couchsurfer or even the thoughtless rubbish from a long ago picnic shoved under a tree.